29
Sep

FC Santa Claus promoted to Finnish third division

As the debate over the existence of Santa Claus rages on in kindergartens around the world, one thing we do know for certain: FC Santa Claus is an actual, real football club in Finland. With a very awesome logo, too:

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And wouldn’t you know, Santa just got promoted!

Yes, Christmas has indeed come early for the supporters of this small club inside the Arctic Circle (Lapland, more specifically) after clinching promotion to the Kakkonen division of Finnish football. The decisive goal was scored by Kris Kring… — nah, just kidding — Jaakko Paavilainen in the 94th minute of their match vs ORPa, sending the team’s commentators into a frenzy:

Watch out, Kakkonen squads. Santa Claus really is coming to town!

(H/T Metro)

24
Sep

Man United fans to fly “Come home Ronaldo” banner during next Real match

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Coming off two games in which Cristiano Ronaldo scored a combined seven goals, a group of Manchester United fans have come up with a brilliant ploy to convince the reigning FIFA Ballon d’Or winner to come back to Old Trafford.

According to the Independent, a fan group spent $4,900 to hire a plane and fly a banner over Real’s next home match with the message “Come home Ronaldo.”

It’s totally going to work, too. After all, that’s definitely how they got the United bosses to finally can David Moyes last season, right?

In all seriousness, we’ve all heard about the rumors that Ronaldo is unhappy in Madrid and will one day seek a return to United. But the key words here are: one day.

He’s not going to just pack his bags and leave the reigning European champions to join a team that, gulp, doesn’t even play in the Champions League (and might not for some time.) Plus, CR7 literally just said his future still lies at the Bernabeu.

So, hate to be a buzz kill, but … nice try, though.

23
Sep

Liverpool and Birmingham Ladies trade long-range goals in ridiculous finish

imageUh oh. We’ve got two goals from 40+ yards out in the same crazy Women’s Super League match for you, but be warned: there is some seriously awful goalkeeping involved here.

In a game with huge WSL title implications, the Liverpool Ladies were up 1-0 on hosts Birmingham City Ladies when the fun began in the 87th minute.

That’s when Birmingham’s Hannah Keryakoplis took advantage of a colossal giveaway from Reds keeper Libby Stout to score a dramatic, late equalizer with a pinpoint shot from 40 yards out. Overjoyed, the entire team ran out to celebrate at the midfield line, including City goalkeeper Rebecca Spencer. The goal had, for the moment, put the hosts back in second place, two points ahead of Liverpool and just one back of leaders Chelsea with two games to play.

Alas, the Birmingham players - including Spencer, of all people -  were still running back to their positions when Liverpool skipper Fara Williams took the quick kick-off and scored from midfield to retake the lead. 2-1. Game over. Liverpool re-take second place. Ouch!

Watch the disaster unfold starting at the 1:18 mark:

H/T SBNation

23
Sep

Asamoah Gyan to hold press conference denying he sacrificed rapper

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A truly bizarre story has gotten even weirder in Ghana, where national team star Asamoah Gyan will hold a press conference on Wednesday to quell rumors that he and his family killed a rap artist — as part of a ritual human sacrifice.

Yes, you read that right.

Ghanaian rapper Castro and Janet Bandu went missing on a trip they took together with Gyan’s family following the World Cup in July. Over two months later, no body has turned up, which has led to some suspecting (extremely) foul play on behalf of the striker - enough people to prompt a press conference, apparently.

Here is the official statement on Gyan’s website:

"The Gyan Family will hold a press conference on Wednesday address recent issues of public interest including the disappearance of musical icon Theophilus Tagoe (aka Castro).

The press conference which will take place at the Alisa Hotel will be addressed by counsel for the family Kissi Agyabeng.

It will be recalled that Theophilus Tagoe (aka Castro) and Janet Bandu went missing while on a holiday hangout with Family and Friends of the Gyan’s at a resort in Ada back in July.

Relentless efforts are still being made to find the missing duo.

The press conference will therefore seek to update the public through the media on the status of investigations so far.

The opportunity will also be used to officially respond to some allegations and untruths bundled about in the media over the role of Asamoah Gyan in the duo’s disappearance.

The press meeting will also touch on the recent court case instigated by the Ashanti Regional editor of Graphic Communications Group Daniel Kenu against Baffour Gyan and Samuel Anim Addo.

There will also be an opportunity for the press to ask related questions in a Q&A session during the press meeting.

All media houses are therefore invited to attend this press conference which will begin at 1pm (local time) at the Alisa Hotel in Accra on Wednesday, September 24, 2014.”

Let’s hope this ugly rumor gets put to rest soon.

H/T SBNation

Image provided by Reuters

16
Sep

Former Germany keeper to make switch into pro wrestling?

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It may sound like a joke at first — and you know what? It kind of is, go ahead and laugh — but former Germany goalkeeper Tim Wiese may soon be joining the professional wrestling circuit.

Since getting booted out of the Hoffenheim squad in the middle of last season, the 6’ 4” Wiese has turned away from soccer and struck a new path into bodybuilding. Thanks in part to that mirror pic Wiese posted to Twitter a few months ago, the WWE apparently took notice.

“I have an official inquiry from the WWE,” Wiese confirmed to Bild on Tuesday, “and I’m going to take my time and listen.”

Wiese, who now weighs a whopping 250 pounds, would become the first former soccer player to make it to the top level of wrestling, and only the second German ever. But a long road awaits should he pursue this new career. To join, the WWE requires schooling of at least a year at its Florida academy.

“I won’t s*** my pants. Why should I immediately say no? Wrestling is very popular, especially in the States,” Wiese said. “I will go through the inquiry with my agent next week.”

For what it’s worth, we think he should take the offer. Potential nicknames like Tim “The Beast” Wiese, “Wiese F Baby,” or simply “The German Giant” roll right off the tongue.

Image via Twitter

30
Aug

Russian defender lights up Shakhtar Donetsk striker with vicious clothesline

Well, that’s certainly one way to stop a striker from getting past you.

When Shakhtar Donetsk’s Luiz Adriano tried to collect a long clearance and head toward goal, FC Illychivets Oleksandr Chyzhov decided to stop the striker by launching a bone-crushing clothesline.

Seriously, it was like something straight out of the WWE:

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Adriano dropped in a heap and was immediately out cold. Chyzhov clearly knew he’d landed a significant blow, as he frantically waved for the physio staff to come to Adriano’s aid.

Stunningly, Chyzhov wasn’t sent off for the incident, and fortunately for everybody, Adriano was reportedly fine after being stretchered off the pitch.

A few more “clothesline from hell” moves and Chyzhov could kick-start a new career for himself with the WWE like John “Bradshaw” Layfield.

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JBL approves of this message.

(h/t Metro, Image: Getty)

23
Aug

FIFA magazine allows itself a sexist quote in feature about Sepp Blatter

As if Sepp Blatter needed any more help in making himself look like a sexist clown, the latest edition of the official FIFA magazine included a feature on its president containing a stupidly offensive passage about the fairer sex:

Blatter went on to make the most of his opportunities, both on and off the pitch, ascending to the FIFA throne on 8 June 1998. From that seat of power in the world game, Blatter has endeavoured to inject new impulse into the sport. The ball may still be round but there have been numerous changes since the era of Sepp Herberger. 
The laws of the game are obeyed by everyone, be they Zulus, Shiites, Muslims, Jews, Kurds, Creoles or any other race - and they are also, reluctantly, followed by Blatter’s numerous detractors. Football is a simple game that only becomes complicated once you attempt to explain the active and passive offside rules to your wife.

This was printed in the official FIFA magazine. That’s some PR department they have over there, huh? It’s as if the world football governing body forgot they also host the Women’s World Cup, not just the Men’s.

And this in an article about a guy who’s made so many mind-blowingly disparaging comments that we’ve had to compile a list of his worst blunders.

What planet does FIFA live on?

Image: Action Images

23
Aug

2022 World Cup final set to be played in city that doesn’t exist yet

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In case you don’t have enough doubts over Qatar hosting the 2022 World Cup, listen to this: the proposed site for the final is set in a city that doesn’t even exist yet!

Funded by the oil-rich Qatari government, the city of Lusail is currently being built from the ground up by around 20,000 workers at an estimated cost of $45 billion.

According to CNN, the government hopes the city will be completed by 2019. Lusail is expected to then contain a commercial district, a lagoon, four islands, two marinas, an upscale shopping mall, a hospital, a zoo, two golf courses, housing for 250,000 people and, of course, the stadium.

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From CNN:

Residents and visitors will get around via a light-rail network, a water-taxi system and a network of underground pedestrian tunnels. And all the energy, communications and transportation systems will be run with the help of computers from a single command center, making Lusail a “smart” city that can automatically adapt to changing traffic and weather conditions.

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Well then, that should ease all your concerns, especially those about the labor laws in Qatar….

H/T Deadspin

All images via CNN

10
Aug

Maradona slaps journalist for allegedly winking at his baby’s mother

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It’s been a while since we’ve peeked under the tent of the circus that is Diego Maradona’s life. This latest video of the Argentinian legend is a nice reminder: Don’t mess with Maradona.

The video begins with Maradona (with his son, Diego Fernando, in his arms and Diego Fernando’s mother, Veronica Ojeda in the passenger seat) already fired up.

A throng of reporters stopped the Maradona clan as they reportedly left a theater, and the elder Diego was none too pleased. Clearly upset with the media, a defiant Maradona claims, “I am 53 years old and I’m not the “Dieguito,” I’m 53 years old and my name is Diego Armando Maradona!" before rolling up his window.

The video then cuts to a wider shot, showing Maradona exit the car, confront a reporter and slap the man, allegedly for winking at Ojeda.

Maradona asks the man, “Why mess with my wife if I do not mess with you?” before slapping him across the face.

No doubt, a mature reaction for the impressionable Diego Fernando to witness. We’re not saying the reporter didn’t need to be straightened out — if what’s alleged is true — but no matter what the real story, it looks like some growing up needs to happen.

(h/t Metro, Image: Getty)