20
Sep

Emile Heskey CAN actually hit a cow’s arse with a banjo

There’s never been a shortage of jokes about former England international Emile Heskey. But the long-standing and most heard was a quip about a cow’s arse and a banjo.

Basically, that he couldn’t hit one with the other.

There are many claims that have been made about Heskey, but this one, it turns out, isn’t true.

Finally, that line can be retired.

(H/T Daily Mail)

1
Sep

Sky reporter uses vanishing spray to keep QPR fans under control

You can always count on some wacky things to happen during Sky Sports’ coverage of Deadline Day. (Considering how many consecutive hours their reporters spend outside of stadiums across England, it’s surprising that more shenanigans don’t happen.)

With about 5 hours before the transfer window closed on Monday, Gary Cotterill used a unique method of keeping the rowdy QPR fans behind him at bay: vanishing spray.

The fans seem happy to oblige Gary, standing the designated four feet away from him behind the white line. They’re more well-behaved than some actual footballers, who are happy to sneak a step beyond the disappearing line.

31
Aug

This is a spectacular own-goal from the German fifth tier

There are own-goals, and then there is this fantastic screw up by Zamir Daudi of TGM SV Jügesheim.

It takes a certain amount of skill to put the ball into your own net while you are facing away from it, but that’s just what Daudi did:

There’s a certain twisted beauty in scoring an own goal that bad.

22
Aug

This is probably the worst miss to happen in soccer ever

It is not an exaggeration to say that Junior Malanda will never, ever live this miss down. It has to be one of the worst — if not the worst of the worst — miss to ever happen in a soccer match. There aren’t words to do it justice, so just watch in awe.

Just…how? The ball was practically on the line already, he just had to push it over. A puppy could score that.

To make matters worse, Wolfsburg lost to Bayern, 2-1, and had Malanda managed to tuck that one away, it would’ve been a huge draw in their Bundesliga opener, and only their second point ever in Munich. It was not to be.

24
Jul

Head-scratcher: What has Pepe done to his hair?

No, seriously, we want to know. What has Pepe done to his hair?

The summer can be a bit boring for some footballers, but certainly there’s a better way than THAT to spice things up.

His hair looks like a bare tree!

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(Image: Getty)

Maybe it’s a defensive technique, since someone could poke an eye out going up for a header against him.

What makes matters worse is he’s currently in California for the International Champions Cup. If this becomes the next American fad hairstyle, we’re calling it quits. Bring back the Bieber … anything!

Hopefully Pepe lost a bet, and this coiffure nightmare is all just a joke that will soon disappear. 

(h/t Dirty Tackle)

19
Jul

Things are getting hilariously bad for Blackpool FC

Earlier this month, Blackpool FC had to cancel their pre-season tour due to a lack of players. No, seriously, they only had eight on their active roster. Embarrassing, to say the least.

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Blackpool — including five trialists — takes on Penrith. (Image: @BlackpoolFC)

But then on Saturday, the club faced Penrith in a preseason match, and things went from bad to absolutely knee-slapping hilarious. With only eight players, the Seasiders had to find a way to fill out their roster. So “Trialist” came to the rescue.

Not only did Trialist dominate the starting lineup, he had a pretty stellar game. Well, at least one of them did. We’ve no idea who.

Well done, Mr. Trialist. We look forward to hopefully learning your name (and some of the other anonymous Blackpool players) soon.

18
Jul

Luis Suarez forgets keys and is locked out of home in Spain

Since biting Giorgio Chiellini, Luis Suarez has been on a bit of a roller coaster. He had his appeal rejected, but then secured a move to Barcelona. However, because of his ban, he cannot be unveiled with his new club.

So Suarez is stuck in limbo while waiting in Spain for his eventual unveiling and introduction to the press. While he waits, he’s staying with his in-laws in Castelldefels outside of Barcelona.

Well, today we’ve learned that even a person as successful and wealthy and talented as Luis Suarez forgets his keys sometimes. Whoops:

The eager fans outside the house didn’t mind, of course, and Suarez obliged many of them with autographs and pictures. But man, the guy just can’t seem to catch a break these days. 

It sure seems like biting gives you bad karma. Who knew?

(H/T Off The Post)

16
Jun

Landon Donovan definitely knows how to laugh at himself

You’re probably sick of hearing about Landon Donovan not making the USA’s World Cup team, but this ad is worth just one more mention of it.

Instead of Donovan sporting red, white and blue this summer, we get Landon in his bathrobe, slippers, moping around his apartment while playing as himself on FIFA.

Oh, and make sure you watch it all the way to the end.

That’s got to be one of the best eye-rolls ever.

He may not be going to Brazil, but at least Landon can still give American fans something to smile about.

7
Jun

Zidane, Beckham take on Bale and Moura in “Beckingham Palace”

When you were a kid, your parents probably often told you to never play sports indoors. "You’ll break a window!"

Well apparently David Beckham, Zinedine Zidane, Gareth Bale and Lucas Moura weren’t very good listeners:

Broken trophy case? No big deal. Expensive chandelier? Eh, it’s replaceable. Beating the young stars? So worth the damage price tag.

5
Jun

Worst throw-in ever? It’s at least in the top five

Little Luxembourg held Italy to a 1-1 draw in a friendly on Wednesday, stunning the Italians ahead of their World Cup campaign. It was an impressive result for the country of just over half a million people.

But unfortunately for one Luxembourg player, this will live on the blooper reels for ever and ever and ever:

He needed to put just a liiiittle more muscle into that one.

(H/T SB Nation)