3
Apr

Pepsi releases melodious, star-studded World Cup commercial

Pepsi released its World Cup commercial for this summer and, unsurprisingly, plenty of stars make an appearance.

The ad follows around a Pepsi-wielding Brazilian teen, who creates a beat while causing mischief around town. Along the way, he runs into Lionel Messi, Kun Aguero, David Luiz, Jack Wilshere, Sergio Ramos and a really gray Robin van Persie, each of whom he would apparently much rather annoy than ask for an autograph or share a Pepsi with.

Seriously, how much of a jerk is this kid? Who goes around yanking on people’s newspapers, kicking people’s soccer balls down massive hills, and reaching over a bus driver’s shoulder to honk the horn? Where are your manners?!

Okay, so the beat is admittedly very catchy, and Janelle Monae does kill it with her cover of David Bowie’s “Heroes.” But we still prefer the way Pepsi used to do World Cup advertisements.

In 2002 and 2006, for instance, the sugarwater manufacturers had a selection of World Cup All-stars battle a team of Sumo wrestlers and Bavarian polka band, respectively. The prize being? Pepsi, of course:

18
Jan

Balotelli, Reus, Fabregas and Henry star in new Puma commercial

To promote their highly anticipated evoPOWER boots, Puma produced this commercial which basically just involves Cesc Fabregas and Marco Reus destroying a bunch of stuff.

Cesc and Reus are both surrounded by teams of scientists as they test out their new cleats, which apparently provide them with enough power to shoot balls to the moon or through brick walls and stadium scoreboards (not to mention those silly targets). Meanwhile, Thierry Henry observes all the footage from an “undisclosed location,” seemingly impressed.

He then concludes that the powerful boot is ready for the game, and that it should be put to “the final test.” At this time, Mario Balotelli emerges as the final tester, but sadly — or mercifully — the ad comes to an end.

It should only be a matter of time, though, until we get to see what happens next (Prediction: Super Mario destroys a bunch of stuff).

7
Jan

New transfer target for Chelsea, Arsenal?

imagePhoto via @segalmark (H/T Pies)

Some of the world’s top clubs are plagued with striker problems at the moment. Arsenal, for example, are down to just one healthy forward after Theo Walcott and Nicklas Bendtner(!) both picked up injuries, and it’s almost a near miracle every time a Chelsea striker scores.

But have no fear, London clubs, for Gary Goals is here! And he’s ready to play for your team!

With mind-blowing statistics such as “doing all types of the goals” and having “played against Wayne Rooney’s cousin,” what more convincing could Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho possibly need?

Gary Goals has never failed to score in a game he’s played in, and with a name like that, how could he not? He also doesn’t lie, so that should be reassuring. If you still have any doubts over his abilities, just ask the talent scouts over at Doncaster United. (Don’t you mean Rovers?)

Hurry now, though, those phone number stubs won’t be hanging around much longer. Pick up the phone and get rid of your goalscoring problems by hiring Gary Goals, the top class striker, now! (Or, if you don’t have a phone, just email him at garygoalmachine@gmail.com)

3
Dec

Wayne Rooney plays football golf in Nike ad

On the day adidas are releasing the new World Cup ball, rival supplier Nike is looking to steal some of the spotlight with a clever advertisement for their own new ball, the Nike Ordem. The ad features Wayne Rooney facing off against Rory McIlroy in a game of modified golf, as well as a surprise cameo at the end by another football legend.

Using the Nike Ordem, Rooney incredibly matches McIlroy “swing” for swing on the golf course, all accompanied by the catchy Bing Crosby tune “Straight Down the Middle.” Obviously, the commercial’s message is to point out the Ordem’s unprecedented flight control, allowing Rooney to hit the flagstick time and time again, much to the frustration of the two-time Major winner.

Below is the ball in question. Stay tuned to see how it matches up with the much-anticipated adidas brazuca, which will be unveiled on Tuesday.

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Images courtesy of Nike.

27
Aug

The Land of FC Barcelona

Who wouldn’t want to go hang out on an island with Lionel Messi, Neymar, Andres Iniesta, Gerard Pique and Carles Puyol? Well, except for Real Madrid fans.

This fantastical world only exists in the dreams of Barcelona fans, but that’s exactly what Barca and Qatar Airways created in their latest advertisement: The Land of FC Barcelona. It seems like a pretty wonderful place to go take a vacation, especially with Pique as the customs officer, Neymar making sure you don’t lose your luggage, Messi giving lessons in the performing arts and Iniesta creating beautiful wall paintings with a soccer ball. Also, who could turn down tickets to a showing of Das Golden Boot? Not us!

Better start saving up that vacation time now just in case this dreamland ever becomes a reality.

30
Apr

Sky Sports Germany felt so confident that Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund would march on to the Champions League final that it came out with this outrageous advertisement mocking its Spanish opponents ahead of the semifinal second legs.

The ad opens in a Spanish bull-fighting arena with a matador screaming in agony. We then see the matador, fat, disheveled and defeated, with a Bayern and a Dortmund flag sticking out of his rear end. The words then appear on the screen: “Adios Amigos! The road to Wembley” (translated)

Cheeky? Arrogant? Maybe, but who can blame Sky after the two Bundesliga squads outscored Spain’s Barcelona and Real Madrid by a combined score of 8-1 in the first legs.

The ad hasn’t jinxed the German teams yet, but it certainly came close. Borussia Dortmund held off a spirited Madrid rally on Tuesday, losing 0-2 but squeaking by on aggregate, 4-3.