8
Sep

Croatian defender submits new frontrunner for ‘Worst Miss Ever’

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Wolfsburg midfielder Junior Malanda can rest a little bit easier tonight. The title for “worst miss ever” has a new owner, and his name is Ilija Sivonjić.

The Croatian defender for second-division side Hrvatski Dragovoljac somehow managed to keep the ball out of his opponent’s net from literally an inch out. Not a foot. An inch. Like, the ball was already on the line. All Sivonjić needed to do was blow it across…

Welp!

Perhaps Sivonjić was confused and thought he was in his own penalty area? It’s the only possible explanation for doing such a fine job of keeping the ball from crossing the line.

Not even Malanda could dream up a worse goal-line miss!

H/T Reddit

25
Aug

Epic fail! Danish forward pulls own version of ‘Junior Malanda’ miss

We’re not sure anything will ever “top” Junior Malanda’s miss of the century in Friday’s Bundesliga opener, but AB Copenhagen’s Nichlas Rohde will come as close as you can possibly get.

The Danish forward managed to hit the simplest of rebounds off the post from just a yard out. Unlike in Malanda’s epic miss, the ball was flat on the ground after the opposing goalkeeper made the initial save - but to give Rohde the teeniest bit of credit, the goalkeeper was still somewhat in the picture, and he did hit the post…

No, you’re right. Still no excuse.

H/T Pies

23
Aug

FIFA magazine allows itself a sexist quote in feature about Sepp Blatter

As if Sepp Blatter needed any more help in making himself look like a sexist clown, the latest edition of the official FIFA magazine included a feature on its president containing a stupidly offensive passage about the fairer sex:

Blatter went on to make the most of his opportunities, both on and off the pitch, ascending to the FIFA throne on 8 June 1998. From that seat of power in the world game, Blatter has endeavoured to inject new impulse into the sport. The ball may still be round but there have been numerous changes since the era of Sepp Herberger. 
The laws of the game are obeyed by everyone, be they Zulus, Shiites, Muslims, Jews, Kurds, Creoles or any other race - and they are also, reluctantly, followed by Blatter’s numerous detractors. Football is a simple game that only becomes complicated once you attempt to explain the active and passive offside rules to your wife.

This was printed in the official FIFA magazine. That’s some PR department they have over there, huh? It’s as if the world football governing body forgot they also host the Women’s World Cup, not just the Men’s.

And this in an article about a guy who’s made so many mind-blowingly disparaging comments that we’ve had to compile a list of his worst blunders.

What planet does FIFA live on?

Image: Action Images

23
Aug

2022 World Cup final set to be played in city that doesn’t exist yet

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In case you don’t have enough doubts over Qatar hosting the 2022 World Cup, listen to this: the proposed site for the final is set in a city that doesn’t even exist yet!

Funded by the oil-rich Qatari government, the city of Lusail is currently being built from the ground up by around 20,000 workers at an estimated cost of $45 billion.

According to CNN, the government hopes the city will be completed by 2019. Lusail is expected to then contain a commercial district, a lagoon, four islands, two marinas, an upscale shopping mall, a hospital, a zoo, two golf courses, housing for 250,000 people and, of course, the stadium.

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From CNN:

Residents and visitors will get around via a light-rail network, a water-taxi system and a network of underground pedestrian tunnels. And all the energy, communications and transportation systems will be run with the help of computers from a single command center, making Lusail a “smart” city that can automatically adapt to changing traffic and weather conditions.

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Well then, that should ease all your concerns, especially those about the labor laws in Qatar….

H/T Deadspin

All images via CNN

4
May

Extremely happy Dutch soccer fan wins the weekend

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Relegation races are intense, especially for fans. When it’s about your club’s survival in the first division, a matter of life and death, stress levels are off the charts until it either ends in a burst of pure ecstasy or complete misery.

For fans of Dutch club NEC Nijmegen, the odds were stacked against them heading into the final day of the season. Facing the recently crowned Eredivisie champions Ajax, last-placed NEC needed at least a draw to pass Roda JC in the standings and stave off the automatic drop — a big ask. 

It didn’t look good, either. Ajax were up 2-1 with just two minutes to play. But then, NEC scored a dramatic, season-saving equalizer, sending the away fans into a frenzy.

For one individual, this was the crowning moment of his entire life:


Just look how happy he is. Sadly, someone should tell him the bad news.

As the team second from bottom, NEC must now play two more nail-biters in the relegation playoffs, ensuring that this guy will have a few more anxiety attacks this season.

H/T Pies

6
Apr

Poor Aron Johannsson gets ‘inappropriately touched’ by opponent

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AZ and US national team striker Aron Johannsson was the victim of on-field bullying in the Eredivisie this weekend, getting his privates pulled by Roda defender Guy Ramos.

Ramos appeared to squeeze the Icelandic-American’s genitals in response to something Johannsson had to say, and the referee let him off scot-free. However, Ramos did get sent off in the second half of the game, while Johannsson scored to secure AZ a draw, so at least justice was somewhat served.

If you have a Y chromosome, chances are you are solemnly nodding to yourself right now, having been hit in that area probably more than once.  Ladies, admit it: this is worse than getting your hair yanked by an opponent, albeit similar. Completely uncalled for and painful.

Here’s “The Grab:”

H/T Dirty Tackle

4
Mar

Convicted felon signs contract with Brazilian team

imageBruno captained Flamengo to the 2009 Brazilian League title.

Fair warning: this story might make you sick to your stomach.

Brazilian goalkeeper Bruno Fernandes has been given a second chance to play professional soccer while in prison. That’s not a joke: he has apparently signed a five-year contract with Montes Claros of the Campeonato Mineiro.

You may remember Bruno. Two years ago, the former Flamengo captain was put on trial, accused of ordering the kidnapping and murder of his ex-girlfriend Eliza Samudio — whose body was allegedly fed to dogs — and holding their son hostage. Last March, Bruno confessed and was sentenced to 22 years and three months in prison. Investigators said he had ordered Samudio’s killing to avoid paying child support.

imagePhotos: Getty Images

According to Brazilian law, a felon may be allowed some freedom after three or four years, depending on his behavior in prison. (Bruno has, in fact, been in jail since July 2010, when he was convicted of ordering another, earlier abduction of Samudio.) Brazil has a maximum prison sentence of 30 years under statutory law.

The terms of Bruno’s release from jail in order to attend Montes Claros training sessions and matches will be determined by a Brazilian judge. The controversial move was confirmed by the club’s president, Ville Mocellin. 

From OTempo.com.br (translated by Google):

"We want to give an opportunity to the man Bruno," he said, adding that the possible arrival of athletes is an opportunity for both parties. "For him, it is a chance to return to play. To the club, he is an athlete who can strengthen the team and a way to invest in the social side."

Mocellin’s nod to the “social side” is reference to Brazil’s controversial “resocialization” program, where prisoners are allowed out of jail during daylight hours in an attempt to pave the way for their return to society after they serve their sentences. The club added that Bruno would play and train under police escort.

7
Feb

Disabled Newcastle fan has season tickets pulled after missing first game in 13 years

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This story will not make Warren Barton happy.

A 65-year-old disabled grandmother and lifelong Newcastle United fan had her season ticket pulled from the club after missing her first match in more than 13 years!

Lilian Held, who lives just a few blocks from St. James Park, had given her ticket to Newcastle’s December fixture against Southampton to her son while she went on vacation. That way, she thought, her two granddaughters, who usually accompany her to the games, would still be able to attend with adult supervision.

Wait, it gets worse.

Midway through the first half of that game, stewards threw Lillian’s 29-year-old son out of the stadium for wrongly being in the seat designated for disabled fans, leaving his 14-year-old twin nieces all alone in the stadium!

OK, surely it can’t get any worse, right?

Wrong.

Upon returning from vacation, Lillian immediately attempted to retrieve her seized season ticket, only to be informed weeks later that her ticket had been sold to another fan. She could pay for a new one next season.

Appalled, Lilian told her story to local paper The Chronicle:

“I have sat in that seat for years. I’m a lifelong fan of Newcastle United and I worked for the club in the 1990s where I had my picture taken with Kevin Keegan.

“Going to the match is the only bit of social time I get. I live for those home games. Taking my ticket from me and selling my seat without giving me the right to even argue my case has completely ruined my year.”

After being bombarded with phone calls and messages after the newspaper ran the story on Thursday, Newcastle felt “compelled” to respond.

This is the club’s statement:

Mrs Held’s subsidized disabled season ticket was cancelled and a pro rata refund given for remaining games of the 2013/14 season following reports of alleged misuse and a subsequent investigation.

As part of this investigation, it was found that Mrs Held’s disabled season ticket seat was being used by an able-bodied supporter during the Newcastle United v Southampton fixture, which is against the terms and conditions agreed at sale.

Mrs Held remains welcome at St James’ Park and can reapply for a concessionary season ticket next season.

Really? There was no better way to settle this?

Well done, Newcastle. *Sarcastic applause*

Photo: Chronicle

6
Feb

Here’s an image of the special World Cup seats for obese fans

As we reported almost a year ago, all 12 stadiums hosting World Cup matches in Brazil this summer are required to offer seats for fans struggling with obesity (at least 1% of the stadium’s capacity, according to Brazilian law). It is the first World Cup to hold this requirement.

And on Thursday, Bloomberg news reporter Tariq Panja gave us hard proof this is in fact a real thing. The picture of the seat above was taken at the Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro.

According to Panja, obese fans will also be entitled to a 50 percent discount on match tickets. Fifty! Can you believe that? Almost encourages you to gain a few pounds, no? Fans from around the world can apply for these seats and the discount, under one condition: they must have a body mass index of 30 or higher, and be able to prove it with a note from their doctor.

You know who’s very happy about this? This guy:

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