6
Apr

Poor Aron Johannsson gets ‘inappropriately touched’ by opponent

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AZ and US national team striker Aron Johannsson was the victim of on-field bullying in the Eredivisie this weekend, getting his privates pulled by Roda defender Guy Ramos.

Ramos appeared to squeeze the Icelandic-American’s genitals in response to something Johannsson had to say, and the referee let him off scot-free. However, Ramos did get sent off in the second half of the game, while Johannsson scored to secure AZ a draw, so at least justice was somewhat served.

If you have a Y chromosome, chances are you are solemnly nodding to yourself right now, having been hit in that area probably more than once.  Ladies, admit it: this is worse than getting your hair yanked by an opponent, albeit similar. Completely uncalled for and painful.

Here’s “The Grab:”

H/T Dirty Tackle

4
Mar

Convicted felon signs contract with Brazilian team

imageBruno captained Flamengo to the 2009 Brazilian League title.

Fair warning: this story might make you sick to your stomach.

Brazilian goalkeeper Bruno Fernandes has been given a second chance to play professional soccer while in prison. That’s not a joke: he has apparently signed a five-year contract with Montes Claros of the Campeonato Mineiro.

You may remember Bruno. Two years ago, the former Flamengo captain was put on trial, accused of ordering the kidnapping and murder of his ex-girlfriend Eliza Samudio — whose body was allegedly fed to dogs — and holding their son hostage. Last March, Bruno confessed and was sentenced to 22 years and three months in prison. Investigators said he had ordered Samudio’s killing to avoid paying child support.

imagePhotos: Getty Images

According to Brazilian law, a felon may be allowed some freedom after three or four years, depending on his behavior in prison. (Bruno has, in fact, been in jail since July 2010, when he was convicted of ordering another, earlier abduction of Samudio.) Brazil has a maximum prison sentence of 30 years under statutory law.

The terms of Bruno’s release from jail in order to attend Montes Claros training sessions and matches will be determined by a Brazilian judge. The controversial move was confirmed by the club’s president, Ville Mocellin. 

From OTempo.com.br (translated by Google):

"We want to give an opportunity to the man Bruno," he said, adding that the possible arrival of athletes is an opportunity for both parties. "For him, it is a chance to return to play. To the club, he is an athlete who can strengthen the team and a way to invest in the social side."

Mocellin’s nod to the “social side” is reference to Brazil’s controversial “resocialization” program, where prisoners are allowed out of jail during daylight hours in an attempt to pave the way for their return to society after they serve their sentences. The club added that Bruno would play and train under police escort.

7
Feb

Disabled Newcastle fan has season tickets pulled after missing first game in 13 years

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This story will not make Warren Barton happy.

A 65-year-old disabled grandmother and lifelong Newcastle United fan had her season ticket pulled from the club after missing her first match in more than 13 years!

Lilian Held, who lives just a few blocks from St. James Park, had given her ticket to Newcastle’s December fixture against Southampton to her son while she went on vacation. That way, she thought, her two granddaughters, who usually accompany her to the games, would still be able to attend with adult supervision.

Wait, it gets worse.

Midway through the first half of that game, stewards threw Lillian’s 29-year-old son out of the stadium for wrongly being in the seat designated for disabled fans, leaving his 14-year-old twin nieces all alone in the stadium!

OK, surely it can’t get any worse, right?

Wrong.

Upon returning from vacation, Lillian immediately attempted to retrieve her seized season ticket, only to be informed weeks later that her ticket had been sold to another fan. She could pay for a new one next season.

Appalled, Lilian told her story to local paper The Chronicle:

“I have sat in that seat for years. I’m a lifelong fan of Newcastle United and I worked for the club in the 1990s where I had my picture taken with Kevin Keegan.

“Going to the match is the only bit of social time I get. I live for those home games. Taking my ticket from me and selling my seat without giving me the right to even argue my case has completely ruined my year.”

After being bombarded with phone calls and messages after the newspaper ran the story on Thursday, Newcastle felt “compelled” to respond.

This is the club’s statement:

Mrs Held’s subsidized disabled season ticket was cancelled and a pro rata refund given for remaining games of the 2013/14 season following reports of alleged misuse and a subsequent investigation.

As part of this investigation, it was found that Mrs Held’s disabled season ticket seat was being used by an able-bodied supporter during the Newcastle United v Southampton fixture, which is against the terms and conditions agreed at sale.

Mrs Held remains welcome at St James’ Park and can reapply for a concessionary season ticket next season.

Really? There was no better way to settle this?

Well done, Newcastle. *Sarcastic applause*

Photo: Chronicle

6
Feb

Here’s an image of the special World Cup seats for obese fans

As we reported almost a year ago, all 12 stadiums hosting World Cup matches in Brazil this summer are required to offer seats for fans struggling with obesity (at least 1% of the stadium’s capacity, according to Brazilian law). It is the first World Cup to hold this requirement.

And on Thursday, Bloomberg news reporter Tariq Panja gave us hard proof this is in fact a real thing. The picture of the seat above was taken at the Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro.

According to Panja, obese fans will also be entitled to a 50 percent discount on match tickets. Fifty! Can you believe that? Almost encourages you to gain a few pounds, no? Fans from around the world can apply for these seats and the discount, under one condition: they must have a body mass index of 30 or higher, and be able to prove it with a note from their doctor.

You know who’s very happy about this? This guy:

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24
Jan

Goalkeeper scolded for falling out of tree trying to save cat

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If you saw a cat stuck in a tree, would you save it?

Victor Francoz did, but paid dearly for it. The French goalkeeper for English semi-pro side Oxford City fell out of the tree and injured himself while trying to save a cuddly feline. Francoz will have to miss two weeks of action thanks to a deep gash in his calf. And to make matters worse, his coach Mike Ford has “no sympathy” for the fallen hero.

Ford told The Oxford Mail:

"It’s ridiculous. I’ve not got any sympathy for him at all because he’s done it to himself. He fell out of a tree when he was trying to get a cat.

He’s got a deep cut and unfortunately now we don’t have Victor because he’s gone back to France for a couple of weeks to have treatment. You just don’t get professional players climbing trees.”

The 23-year-old signed for the club this past summer with hopes of a playing career in England, but will now be unable to take part in Oxford’s next few games. His worst-case scenario? The fireman stunt may cost him his place as first-choice goalkeeper.

Dude, next time try 911.

H/T The Guardian

22
Jan

Worse than Falcao: Galatasaray’s Aydin Yilmaz suffers broken leg

Want to see something more gruesome than Radamel Falcao’s knee injury? Maybe you don’t, but just like passing a car wreck, it’s impossible not to look.

Galatasaray winger Aydin Yilmaz broke his leg during a Turkish Cup match against Elazigspor while looking to make a defensive challenge. Going for a slide tackle on Serdar Özkan, the 25-year-old unfortunately got his leg caught in the grass, causing it to bend in a way it just isn’t meant to. Upon seeing what happened to Yilmaz, Özkan turned away in horror, his hands covering his face. It’s easy to see why.

Adding insult to injury, literally, Elazigspor won the match 1-0. We wish Yilmaz a speedy recovery.

H/T 101GG

17
Jan

Getafe player suffers an injury that will make every man squirm

imagePhoto via Getty Images

This story is not for people with weak stomachs.

Getafe defender Alexis Ruano ruptured veins in one of his testicles during Thursday’s 2-0 loss to Barcelona, causing the gonad to swell exponentially. This suddenly makes Neymar’s gruesome-looking ankle injury, for which he will miss about a month, look like a paper cut.

From MARCA:

[Coach Luis Garcia] provided details of his player’s injury in response to questions from the media, providing an account of the ailment which he said he had never seen before during his time in football.
“One of Alexis’s testicles was like this” he said, holding up his hands to show a handball-sized ball. “He has broken some veins. It’s nothing serious. The swelling has already gone down, he should be fine for Sunday. I was shocked when I went into the dressing room, but it’s not serious. I’d never seen anything like it”, he admitted.

And if you’re wondering what the size of a handball is, here you go:

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Good God!

15
Dec

Kasimpasa’s Ryan Donk uses second ball to stop opponents’ attack

As comedian Dave Chappelle might say, “I’m sorry, Mr. Referee, I didn’t know I … couldn’t do that.”

During a Turkey Super Lig match between Kasimpasa and Besiktas, Kasimpasa defender Ryan Donk blatantly stopped a Besiktas attack by throwing a second ball at the ball in play. Even better, Donk then had the nerve to claim his innocence after receiving a yellow card for the stunt.

Dude, you carried another ball and then threw it at the match ball. That’s illegal, as far as we know.

Somehow, that wasn’t even the ballsiest move of the game.

In the second half, with Kasimpasa up 2-1, a fan ran onto the field and punched down a Besiktas player, before getting gang-tackled by several players from the home team:

10
Dec

Slovenian team uses cannons for goalkeeper training

"If you can save a cannonball, you can save a penalty kick!"

Perhaps taking a page out of Patches O’Houlihan’s book (from the movie Dodegball), a group of Slovenian soccer players utilized a rather violent new drill for their goalkeeper training.

Believed to be associated with fourth-tier side SD Gorišnica, a couple players are seen lighting up makeshift football cannons and firing them off at their teammate from a frighteningly short distance. While the first ball fails to launch, the second one nearly decapitates the poor keeper, who at that point scurries out of the net faster than a shark out of water.

Something tells us that this new training method probably won’t catch on.

(H/T Pies)