24
Aug

LA Galaxy’s Robbie Keane provides ugliest assist of all time

Robbie Keane tallied the perhaps worst assist you’ll ever see Saturday night vs the Vancouver Whitecaps.

The LA Galaxy forward completely fluffed a shot in the penalty area, but the ball somehow trickled over to Marcelo Sarvas, who slotted it home. Keane even turned away in disgust after his whiff, but now he’s got another assist on his stat sheet:

Just how he drew it up!

GIF via Reddit

20
Aug

Bayern Munich use magician, fireworks to unveil… new team bus

Bayern Munich pulled out all the stops for a huge club announcement on Tuesday. The German champions erected a big ol’ stage, set off fireworks and even hired a magician to… do what exactly?

Announce a new blockbuster signing? Unveil a dazzling new fan shop to rival Borussia Dortmund’s Fan World? Nope.

They revealed their new team bus.

Sigh….

You can go ahead and add this to the long list of reasons why Bayern are (not so) lovably known around the Bundesliga as “FC Hollywood.”

The kitchen is pretty epic though… for a bus:

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19
Aug

Portland Timbers can’t be thrilled about the pitch conditions in Guyana

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We hear about it all the time.

Managers and players the world over have, at one time or another, blamed field conditions for poor results or unwatchable displays of football. And to be fair, some pitches have been truly horrendous. Remember the Cowboys Stadium turf for the International Champions Cup last summer? Or this water-logged pitch in Kazakhstan? Classic!

Well, those grounds look like a freshly cut and watered pitch at God’s personal Wembley Stadium up in heaven compared to what the Portland Timbers encountered in Guyana ahead of their CONCACAF Champions League tie vs Alpha United.

Not a joke: a professional soccer team actually plays here:

Man.

That… — can we call it a pitch’” — is actually mostly used for cricket, but that doesn’t explain why footballers have agreed to play here, or why Alpha United are allowed to host CONCACAF Champions League games in the first place. Really, there’s nowhere else you can play?

In any case, for the rest of time, no team is allowed to complain about field conditions ever again. Except the Timbers.

H/T SBNation

18
Aug

Keisuke Honda throws name in the ring for worst corner kick ever

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Earlier today, we showed you a pathetic attempt at a corner kick from Nantes midfielder Serge Gakpé.

Not to be outdone, Keisuke Honda of AC Milan did all in his power to upstage Mr. Gakpé. In a preseason match vs Valencia, Honda somehow, incredibly, blasted the set piece all the way into the furthest reaches of the upper deck. In fact, the ball probably still hasn’t landed.

Watch:

The worst best part? For some reason Honda was allowed to take another corner in the second half. And wouldn’t you know it, the Japenese winger almost produced an exact copy of that horrendous effort:

Hey, at least he hit the ball!

Could we somehow fuse the attempts from Honda and Gakpé together into one, it would surely be a textbook corner kick.

H/T Pies

18
Aug

Lincoln City manager beats Barnet with use of jelly candies

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When Lincoln City’s team bus failed to turn up for Saturday’s away fixture in Barnet, the team was left with no way to transport  vital match-day equipment such as the tactics board. So manager Gary Simpson got creative.

Simpson used the lid of a kit bin for a makeshift board and a packet of Jelly Babies as the counters. Striker Ben Tomlinson wasn’t the only one amused:

Considering Lincoln City beat the Conference Premier (fifth division) leaders 2-1, maybe Simpson is on to something. The coach quipped to BBC Radio Lincolnshire that he might have to use Jelly Babies for the rest of the season.

"If we can keep winning I will do whatever is necessary," he said.

It didn’t take long for Simpson’s success with his new secret weapon to make the rounds.

Before you knew it, the club’s Under-10 side employed the same strategy, though our sources understand several of the jelly babies mysteriously disappeared by the halftime talk.

H/T BBC

Image via The Guardian

18
Aug

Andre Ayew forced out of match after bleeding through two kits

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Olympique Marseille lost 2-0 to Montpellier in their season home opener at the beautifully renovated Stade Velodrome. To add insult to injury, striker Andre Ayew was forced off in the strangest of circumstances early in the second half.

The Ghana star had suffered a head wound during the first half that caused him to bleed all over his crisp, white jersey - a big no-no in all of professional sports. Luckily, kit managers always plan for unforeseen events such as this, and Ayew promptly received a spare shirt to finish out the half.

Alas, the wound reopened in the second half, and once again the referee required Ayew to change his kit. However, with no third No. 10 shirt available (you have to finish the match with the same number as you started), Ayew found himself in an unsolvable quandary. The kitman hopelessly tried to turn a No.33 kit into a No.10, but the referee was not impressed, and so new Marseille manager Marcelo Bielsa angrily had to take off one of his key attacking players for the final 38+ minutes with his side chasing a deficit. Bloody hell!

H/T Yahoo!Sports

Photo: Getty

18
Aug

The worst corner kick of all time?

Quickly-taken short corners are a nice change-up to the usual set-piece routine, but it helps when you actually strike the ball.

Nantes midfielder Serge Gakpé failed to do just that this weekend, instead taking out the corner flag and drawing raucous laughter from the crowd. Surely this must be one of the worst corners you’re ever likely to see:

To be fair, that darn corner flag really does get in the way sometimes. Anyone remember this gem from Armenia’s Aras Ozbiliz last year?

Vine: @necroute

16
Aug

Legia Warsaw trolled with Champions League anthem ahead of Polish league match

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Polish champions Legia Warsaw still haven’t gotten over their harsh Champions League exit on a clerical error, when on Friday they were mercilessly ridiculed by their next Polish league opponents.

After their 6-1 aggregate victory over Celtic was wiped away over fielding an ineligible player for the final four minutes of the second leg, Legia were greeted by Ekstraklasa side Jagiellonia Bialystok with the Champions League anthem blaring in the stadium as the teams took the field!

That’s some A+ trolling right there, but justice was eventually served as Legia went on to whip the cynical opposition, 3-0.

H/T Pies
Image via Reuters