16
Aug

Louis van Gaal gets David Moyes treatment following failed Premier League debut

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Manchester United’s loss to Swansea on Louis van Gaal’s Premier League debut sparked the predictable wave of completely original David Moyes jokes on Twitter, such as these:

Alright, this one was pretty good, though:

Of course, the defeat also led to the Dutch manager’s Wikipedia page being doctored within moments of the final whistle:

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Have we not had enough of these silly Wikipedia edits? No? Okay then.

27
Apr

Paddy Power brings David Moyes statue to Anfield, Liverpool promptly lose

The pranksters over at betting site Paddy Power were at it again this weekend, erecting a fake David Moyes statue at Anfield ahead of Liverpool’s title showdown against Chelsea.

Fans gleefully flocked to the statue to take pictures with the “Liverpool legend,” who led arch rivals Man United to their worst finish in the Premier League era, and played a small part in the Reds’ ascendancy this season.

But what started out as a clever joke turned into something dark and sinister by game’s end. Chelsea ran out 2-0 winners, handing Liverpool their first league loss in 2014 and taking away the Reds’ control of the title race.

The Curse of Moyes? It’s very much in play.

22
Apr

Must be the Moyesie! Man United stock price soars after sacking

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How much can the value of the world’s most popular club depend on a single man? Evidently, quite a lot.

When the legendary Sir Alex Ferguson stepped down as Man United manager last May, MANU stock nosedived from a share price of $18.44 to $15.16 in only a month! Under the disastrous reign of David Moyes, the stock continued to plummet, reaching a 52-week low of $14.26 in February.

But since March, MANU stock gradually rose once again. Coincidentally, this was around the same time rumors of Moyes’ possible firing first surfaced. Hmmm! And once Moyes did finally get the ax early Tuesday morning, United’s stock suddenly became a hotter commodity than rare Pokemon trading cards in a late 1990s middle school cafeteria.

Tuesday evening, MANU stock closed at $18.78/share after opening at $17.90. A week ago, the stock closed at $16.26; that’s over $2.50/share less. We are no financial experts here, but we do know that’s a big difference. In fact, the value of the club was at over $3 billion by market close Tuesday, an increase of $100 million since Monday, the last day Moyes was still in charge.

From The Associated Press:

Since 2012, when 10 percent of United was floated by the Glazers, the rise and fall of the club’s shares have been as keenly watched as the team’s results. Wall Street investors initially welcomed the dismissal of Moyes, with shares soaring by seven percent at one point after Tuesday’s announcement - reaching their highest level since Ferguson’s retirement.

”Following on as the successor to Sir Alex Ferguson was always going to prove a Herculean task … with arguably deeper disappointment at stake should the trophy cabinet remain bare for a second season,” said Andrew Wilkinson, chief market analyst at Connecticut-based Interactive Brokers.

As hip-hop artist Nelly might say, “Hey, must be the Moyesie!”

Illustration provided by FOXSports.com / Eddie Hon

21
Apr

Man City fans back under-fire David Moyes

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Hey, have you heard?

Manchester United are said to be on the verge of parting ways with David Moyes after yet another loss this weekend. Yup! Apparently, that might happen to you if, in your first season as manager, your club suffers its worst finish in the Premier League era and fails to qualify for the Champions League for the first time in 19 years. Imagine that.

It’s not all doom and gloom for Moyes, however. He still has his share of admirers in England, even in Manchester! On Monday, rival club Manchester City fans came out in droves to not only root on their own team against West Brom, but also to shower their rivals’ manager with messages of “support.” Check it out:

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See, David? Everything will turn out alright. Even if you do get the sack, football geniuses don’t stay unemployed for long.

27
Mar

Man United fans expand efforts on #MoyesOut campaign

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A group of agitated United fans has raised enough funds to fly a plane over Old Trafford towing an anti-David Moyes banner. It’s the latest attempt by supporters to voice frustration over the first-year manager, who has led United to their worst season in the Premier League era.

According to The Guardian, the banner will likely read: “Wrong One - Moyes Out,” a cheeky response to the “Chosen One” banner that has hung at the Stretford End since the start of the season. The banner has increasingly drawn the ire of fans, for obvious reasons. In fact, after Tuesday’s derby loss to Man City, a whole ring of stewards had to guard it from potentially hostile fans:

In a related story, the Manchester Evening News came up with a brilliant idea that might come in handy for us all: the “David Moyes Random Excuse Generator!”

Just like the Moyes, we all need a good excuse once in a while, and sadly, “the dog ate my homework” just doesn’t cut it anymore these days. Luckily, “Digital David” is now here to help us. You can test out the Excuse Generator here!

8
Mar

David Moyes’ open letter beautifully condensed by The Sun

You could read the entirety of David Moyes’ open letter to Manchester United fans about his and the Red Devils’ shortcomings, but who has time for that?

Leave it to The Sun to put it succinctly:

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Short, sweet and to the point. Perhaps Moyes should have focused less on being verbose and more on how he’s going to get United back to respectable footing.

9
Feb

Moyes to present United hit-list

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Manchester United boss David Moyes has been promised funds for a huge foray into the summer transfer market. The Red Devils boss is to present the board with a £100 million ($164 million) hit-list. Juventus midfield duo Arturo Vidal and Paul Pogba are believed to be on the list, along with Southampton defender Luke Shaw and Everton’s Seamus Coleman.

For this rumor and the rest of Sunday’s transfer gossip, click here.

29
Jan

Manchester United set to enter Kroos control

Just a couple of days remain before the January transfer window slams shut, and the rumor merry-go-round is certainly in full swing.

One of the main protagonists of this transfer window has been David Moyes’ Manchester United, following their early-season struggles. They don’t look likely to stop spending after snaring Juan Mata from rivals Chelsea, and now they’re looking at another world class midfielder.

Pep Guardiola has admitted that Toni Kroos can leave Bayern Munich, opening the door to a move to Old Trafford.

Also in today’s round-up, there’s news of an alleged Arsenal bid for Julian Draxler from Schalke. Read about it and more on today’s Paper Chase.