Poor Aron Johannsson gets ‘inappropriately touched’ by opponent


AZ and US national team striker Aron Johannsson was the victim of on-field bullying in the Eredivisie this weekend, getting his privates pulled by Roda defender Guy Ramos.

Ramos appeared to squeeze the Icelandic-American’s genitals in response to something Johannsson had to say, and the referee let him off scot-free. However, Ramos did get sent off in the second half of the game, while Johannsson scored to secure AZ a draw, so at least justice was somewhat served.

If you have a Y chromosome, chances are you are solemnly nodding to yourself right now, having been hit in that area probably more than once.  Ladies, admit it: this is worse than getting your hair yanked by an opponent, albeit similar. Completely uncalled for and painful.

Here’s “The Grab:”

H/T Dirty Tackle


Have a laugh! Check out the worst corner kick ever

Denmark secured a crucial 1-0 victory at Armenia in World Cup qualifying Wednesday, profiting from the home side’s failure to replicate the form it showed in the reverse fixture, a 4-0 victory for the European minnows.

Comically bad set pieces such as this one by Spartak Moscow’s Aras Ozbiliz probably didn’t help Armenia’s cause:

Is this the worst attempt at a corner you’ve ever seen? It’s certainly worse than even this gem from January:



Comedy of errors leads to awful own goal

The Chinese National Games have done very little to spread glee and optimism for the future of soccer in the world’s most populous nation.

In an Under-20 semifinal between Xinjiang and Liaoning, a collection of three amusing individual errors led to what we are sure is one of the most preposterous own goals you’ll see all year.

To start, a Xinjiang defender attempts a volleyed clearance in his own box, instead sending the ball straight into the air. Next, his teammate then looks to clear the ball by way of bicycle kick, which of course fails miserably, leaving the ball to trickle towards goal. Rounding out a true team effort, the goalkeeper then somehow misses the ball as well, letting it bounce over his leg and into the net for a truly astonishing own goal. Well done, lads!

Of course, that was the only goal of a thrilling semifinal. Looks like the future is bright for Chinese soccer!


Masseur invades pitch to help team advance in playoffs

It’s playoff time to decide promotion in Brazil’s lower divisions, a time and place where absolutely anything can happen. Case in point: In the Serie D playoffs, a brazen staff member jumped onto the field to make an illegal save to keep his team from elimination!

Aparecidence were tied 2-2 against Tupi, but about to advance to the quarterfinal stage on away goals when Tupi striker Ademilson was clear on goal. Already having beat the goalkeeper, Ademilson was sure to score the tie-winning goal. Then, incredibly, a team masseur of Aparecidence stepped in to make two stops before running for his life and out of the Tupi stadium.

Aparecidence hung on for the aggregate victory, but Tupi are reportedly  looking to appeal to the courts and have the result reversed.

The video evidence above leaves little doubt as to what happened.

(H/T World Soccer Talk)


Player shown red card in FA Cup tie for flashing referee his privates!

Well, you don’t see this every day.

Croydon Athletic’s Louis Blake was sent off during Saturday’s FA Cup preliminary round match against Colliers Wood for “accidentally flashing” the referee.

How could this possibly happen, you ask?

Blake, who came on as a second-half substitute, was wearing black thermal shorts underneath his maroon uniform, which the referee spotted and rightly declared was against FA regulation (players can’t wear undergarments that are different from the team’s primary uniform color).

Despite letting the referee know he had no replacement underwear, Blake was ordered to go back to the locker room to remove the shorts. The 21-year-old obliged, returning onto the field the only way he could: “commando” style.

This is where everything took a turn for the worse. After the referee demanded to see if the shorts were, in fact, removed, Blake pulled his shorts down juuust a bit too much, giving the ref a glimpse of his privates. Immediately, the red card came out and Blake was sent off, all because he was just following the referee’s instructions.

Incensed, Blake had this to say after the match:

“I was gobsmacked, I was shocked and I was angry. I just pulled my shorts forward a bit to show him there was nothing there and he gave me a red.

“How else am I meant to prove I’ve got nothing on down there? All I wanted to do was make a good impression on my debut and now I’m probably going to have to miss three games.”

The lesson? Guys, don’t be ashamed to match your underwear. Sometimes it can prove to be quite important.


Mario Balotelli has his car TP’d after refusing to sign autographs

imageImage: LiberaTV

According to LiberaTV,  AC Milan star Mario Balotelli denied a group of youngsters autographs and paid dearly for it - his Ferrari was wrapped with toilet paper in a classic act of revenge.

Now, it’s practically impossible for athletes to grant every single autograph request, but this might be a lesson for Super Mario and other star athletes.   And hopefully for them, other teens won’t take a lesson from these pranksters!

Next time, Mario, when asked by a few young fans, just play it safe and scribble those signatures. It’s not that hard.


Paolo di Canio bans phones, singing, and… ice in Coke


As if Paolo di Canio’s hiring at Sunderland last season wasn’t already controversial enough, the manager of the Black Cats made sure to change the club inside and out this summer, bringing in 11 new players and, most recently, coming up with a long list of taboos for his players. While his ban on cell phones might not be too out of the ordinary, the taboos also include singing in the showers, ketchup, mayonnaise, and ice cubes in Coca-Cola. Read that last sentence again.

From The Telegraph:

“This is a complete revolution,” he said as Sunderland prepare to host Fulham on Saturday. “It’s not just in the way we play, but in how we approach everything. It’s been difficult.

“We’ve focused on changing the whole dressing-room environment. Imagine if for years your habit is to use the phone when you’re having a massage on the bed, even one minute before going out to train? For 25 days I accepted this, because my first priority was to work on the field. However, I’ve said that from now if someone comes inside with a mobile phone, even in their bag, I’ll throw it in the North Sea. They’re banned. […]

“We need to have lectures about why we can’t have every day things like mayonnaise, ketchup and coke.

“They can cause chemical problems to the liver, to the stomach. If you have ice with coke you can have indigestion. I know players who’ve had ice with their coke the night before a game and then couldn’t play. Even coffee can be a problem. You can have one when you get up, but not an hour before you go out training or playing. We give the players diet sheets to follow.

Ah yes, ice in Coke, the root of all evil. This coming from a guy, of course, who sports a giant tattoo of Benito Mussolini on his back and has been forced to deny that he is a fascist.

Rumor has it, the list of banned items included other no-nos such as…

- Hugs

- DiGiorno’s

- Christmas

- Tea or coffee. (Cappuccinos are allowed)

- Girlfriends

- Hair (except for sideburns)

- Seeing movies in 3D. (Actually a solid point by di Canio. 3D movies are totally overrated and your eyes hurt like 20 minutes in)

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like di Canio’s revolution has paid dividends so far, as Sunderland lost its Premier League opener to Fulham, 0-1.

Let’s hope “goals” weren’t on this list, too.


It’s National Failures Day: Let’s celebrate!

In honor of National Failures Day (thank you, Blog Gods) we have compiled a nice, diverse selection of the best football fails from yesterday’s action.

No, it’s not just a highlight reel of Marouane Chamakh and Gervinho's greatest misses. Sadly, neither of them were in action yesterday. However, we can offer you this great miss by Czech Republic's Petr Jiráček to kick things off:

We’re off to a high-flying start here for National Failure Day. Thanks, Petr. Next, check out the own goal of the day, brought to you by Brazil’s Dani Alves.

It was a magnificent header by the Barcelona star. Unfortunately it handed Switzerland a shock win over the Brazilians.

Lastly, it wouldn’t be a proper National Failure Day without a truly mind-boggling goalkeeper howler. Thankfully, Argentine keeper Pablo Campodónico happily obliged with this epic fumble:

That’s all folks! Now go about your day, and try not to personally honor this “holiday” too much.