29
Sep

Brazilian goalkeeper scores own goal via diving header

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Meet Joao Carlos.

Joao is a Brazilian goalkeeper for Serie B side Boa EC. By all accounts, he’s a rather decent one, too. In his last seven starts (before Saturday’s 2-0 loss to Avai), the 26-year-old gave up just two goals as Boa won all but one of their games.

Alas, even the best know that sometimes, crazy things just happen on the pitch. We’re talking really strange. Things you can’t do anything about, but will bury you with shame regardless.

Things like this: H/T Dirty Tackle

24
Sep

Kaiserslautern striker joins shortlist for “Worst Miss Ever” award

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It’s really been a banner season for our never-ending “worst miss ever” contest, and it’s still only September! Most of our top submissions so far have come out of Germany, where Wolfsburg’s Junior Malanda has tried his best to make it a one-man show.

But now a new player from the German leagues has thrown his hat in the ring: Kaiserslautern striker Philipp Hofmann.

Just look at all of the bad:

Kaiserslautern still won their match vs Union Berlin 1-0, but they probably should’ve been docked a goal for Hofmann’s inexcusable miss.

So, did that take the cake (so far) for our “Worst Miss Ever?”

Not in our book. That honor still belongs to this man:

HOW!?!?

Vine via Alex Chaffer

24
Sep

Who hit the worse free kick: Julio Dos Santos or Johannes Geis?

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Over the past month or so, we saw so many horrible corner kicks that we were almost concerned over the general well-being of the sport. It truly was an epidemic.

Now it appears we have a new, fast-spreading virus to deal with: free-kick-itis.

Freekickitis is nothing to joke about, people. Just look at the awful effects it can have on an otherwise solid Bundesliga player like Mainz’s Johannes Geis last weekend:

Terrible, right? It’s like the Space Jam aliens stole his talent!

And here’s Julio Dos Santos of Paraguyan club Cerro Poteno falling victim to this gruesome illness:

Let’s put a stop to this now. Spread awareness on freekickitis to your football clubs all around the world, before it is too late.

Image provided by Getty

H/T SBNation

24
Sep

Olympiakos advance in Greek Cup on ugly own-goal by Panachaiki’s Giannis Kargashad

With the scoreline at 0-0 in their Greek Cup tie against mighty Olympiakos, Panachaiki defender Giannis Kargashad four options here:

A) Kick the ball in the opposite direction of his own goal, preferably up-field or out of play.

B) Let his goalkeeper, who is clearly in good position, pick up the ball or kick it away.

C) Do nothing, let the ball roll past the post for a goal kick (based on our keen eye, it was never going in).

D) Hammer the ball home with authority.

Kargas went with Option D. Panachaiki lost, 1-0. Welp!

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H/T Bleacher Report

23
Sep

Some Americans still can’t recognize USA captain Clint Dempsey

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Every four years, the interest in the Beautiful Game grows exponentially across our great country for the World Cup. This summer, more Americans than ever before gathered at public viewing parties or skipped work to cheer on the red, white and blue in Brazil.

So you would think that our national team’s key stars would have gained a bit more celebrity status in the process.

Wrong.

Clint Dempsey - only our national team captain who sent the entire country in a frenzy after scoring on the USA’s VERY FIRST PLAY of the World Cup - walked about New York City the other day for ESPN and asked passers-by what they thought of the national team, and, more specifically, about captain Clint Dempsey. The results will make you want to cry:

Really, guy #2?! You felt like the captain of the team should’ve been on the team? That doesn’t even make sense!

Best Saddest part of the video: Clint telling him his name at the end and he still can’t put two and two together.

H/T MLS

Image provided by Getty.

22
Sep

Fail! Chicago Fire honor “DeMarcus” Beasley

imageDaMarcus Beasley spent four and a half seaons with the Chicago Fire in the early 2000s, and after a ten-year absence from MLS was acquired by the Houston Dynamo this season.

Next Sunday will mark the first time Beasley faces his former team, and though the match is in Houston, the Fire wanted to show their appreciation for the U.S. national team veteran by flying some banners outside Toyota Park.

Unfortunately, it seems they forgot to double check their work:

Whoops!

22
Sep

Ex-Fulham manager Felix Magath believes in cheese as injury cure?

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Felix Magath’s reign at Fulham ended mercifully last week after leading the club to the bottom of the Championship table. And though the post-Magath era started with yet another loss over the weekend, you can still sense the giant wave of relief at Craven Cottage.

Since Wednesday, Magath has increasingly come under fire from former players who had fled Fulham after it became clear the German would stay despite not saving the club from relegation last season. Chief among them ex-captain Brede Hangeland, who according to Daniel Taylor’s column in the Guardian last week, was once told by Magath to treat a leg injury by - wait for it - rubbing a block of cheese onto the sore area!

Danny Murphy, a team-mate of Hangeland’s for almost five years and also a former Fulham captain, confirmed the bizarre story on the British Premier League review show “Match of the Day Extra.”

'I texted Brede to ask if it was true,' Murphy said, 'Brede told me it was, and that the cheese had to be soaked in alcohol, and that he was told to phone his mother because it would help to speak to someone who loves him while the cheese is working!'

'It's one of many ridiculous sad stories that we've heard about Felix that has ultimately cost him his job and put Fulham in a world of trouble because all the good and experienced players that were here were desperate to leave because of it and did,' Murphy said.

Woah.

Who knew alcohol-soaked cheese does not, in fact, heal leg injuries? You learn something new every day…

H/T Daily Mail

Image provided by Reuters

17
Sep

Referees, Pep Guardiola commit Champions League fashion taboos

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If it’s one thing we learned on Matchday 1 of the Champions League, it’s that people are not loving the new referee kits.

It’s not just that they’re ugly. During the Dortmund-Arsenal match, it was difficult to tell where the ref even was at times.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that we can’t tell if they’re actually a referee or just a random fan who got lost on his way to his seat and nobody bothered to stop them?

image"Somebody, stop that fan! Oh … it’s you.

Yeah, maybe that’s it.

Sadly, the official’s new threads were not even close to being the biggest fashion disaster this week. 

That honor belongs to none other than Bayern manager Pep Guardiola.

Always dressed to the nines on the sidelines, this time Pep forgot about a small but critical component to his outfit:

THE ZIPPER! OMG! SOMEBODY TELL PEP HIS FLY IS OPEN!!

Not a good look. Not a good look at all.

Images provided by Getty

16
Sep

Thailand’s women’s national team gets cash bonus for losing ‘only’ 5-0

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Thailand’s women’s national team lost 5-0 to South Korea in their Asia Games opener this weekend, a pretty discouraging way to open the tournament. Unless, of course, if you’re on the team.

Believe it or not, the Thailand FA awarded each player a bonus of 100,000 Thai baht ($6,200) for only losing 5-0. We kid you not.

"We fared better in the second half," the FA president told the Nation newspaper. “The association had planned to give the team 200,000 baht ($6,200) if they won the match, but, for the players’ efforts, we decided to hand them 100,000 as consolation.”

Um, where can we sign up for a roster spot?

In America, we often hear complaints over giving out participation trophies at youth tournaments. This is a little worse, don’t you think?

H/T SBNation (Pic: Stanley Chou)

15
Sep

Thomas Vermaelen has difficulty getting into Barcelona car park

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Amused by famous people suffering through real-world problems?

Then you’ll love new Barcelona defender Thomas Vermaelen having some serious issues getting his Audi into the club’s car park:

Good thing Vermalen had about five different guys instructing him with violent hand gestures and dozens of fans egging him on. I’m sure that calmed his nerves.

The whole ordeal took about two minutes, but the former Arsenal man finally did get his Audi into the park without a scratch. 

Now you only have to do that, what, 200 more times this season? Good luck, bud!

Image provided by Reuters

(H/T Who Ate All The Pies)